How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Do you ever feel like your own worst critic? That inner voice constantly reminding you of mistakes, flaws, or things you “should” be doing differently? Have you ever been told that you need to stop being so hard on yourself?
I was continuously told in therapy that i was ‘being too hard on myself’. I spent most of my teens and twenties knowing that I was a perfectionist when it came to work and being creative. But it wasn’t until I was almost 30 that I realised that I was striving for perfection in every aspect of my life. It was as though I had to be perfect to be accepted, loved, or successful. That mindset kept me constantly stressed and self critical. I knew that in this world perfection was an unrealistic and unhealthy goal. And even though I felt otherwise I had to accept that perfection isn’t realistic, and that my worth doesn’t depend on flawless performance. Choosing self compassion and small daily acts of care has been life changing, helping me approach challenges with a lighter heart and a more balanced perspective.
It turns out that many of us unknowingly carry heavy expectations of ourselves, believing that being harsh on ourselves will push us to do better. The truth is, this often leaves us exhausted, anxious, and disconnected as from our own joy. The good news? With gentle practice and awareness, you can learn to reframe your thoughts, recognise unhelpful patterns, and create daily habits that nurture rather than punish, just as I have done.
Reframing the mind
The first step in stopping self criticism is noticing the patterns of your thoughts. Are you prone to “should” statements? Do you magnify mistakes or dismiss your achievements? These are common unhelpful thinking patterns. Here’s how you can start shifting them:
Turn “Should” into “Could”: Instead of saying, “I should have done done it better,” try, “I could have done my best and that’s enough.” This subtle shift moves from judgment to possibility, reducing pressure and opening space for self-compassion.
Catch All-or-Nothing Thinking: If you find yourself thinking, “I always mess up,” pause and ask: “Always? Really? Can I see examples of when I’ve done well?” Breaking extremes into realistic observations helps you see the full picture instead of just the negatives.
Name Your Inner Critic: Giving your harsh inner voice a name like “The Judge” can help you recognize when it’s speaking, creating distance and choice.
Reframe Mistakes: Every mistake is a moment to grow, not a reflection of your worth. Ask yourself, “What can this teach me?” instead of “Why am I so bad at this?”
Simple Everyday Self-Care Habits
Being kind to yourself isn’t just about thoughts it’s also about actions. Small, consistent practices can make a big difference:
Morning Check-In: Take two minutes each morning to ask, “How am I feeling today?” Then respond with a small act of care, like sipping tea mindfully, stretching or going for a gentle walk outside to greet the sun.
Movement That Feels Good: Forget punishing workouts; instead, choose movement that makes you smile like dancing in your living room, walking in nature, or gentle yoga. I highly recommend Yoga with Adriene. She covers all bases from beginners to anxiety, from mental health to mobility. You name it- she covers it and they aren’t lengthy, impossible yoga sequences.
Gratitude Journaling: Jot down three things you did well today, no matter how small. Celebrating wins trains your brain to notice positives. This is particularly helpful to do before you go to sleep to end your day in a good mood and set a positive tone for your minds rest.
Digital Boundaries: Limit scrolling or comparison triggers. Your worth isn’t measured by someone else’s highlight reel. If you notice yourself doubting your worth or you’re hearing those ‘should’ statements it’s probably time to take a break from that account or ask yourself ‘Why does this person/situation make me feel this way?’, and list three positive things about yourself that prove otherwise.
Soothing Rituals: Take a warm bath with some soothing scents such as lavender, chamomile, ylang-ylang or your favourite warming smell. Listen to calming music such as tibetan meditation music or nature sounds. You can also try meditate for five minutes or visit my Welcome post for basic practice you can do anywhere, anytime. Meditation is really quite a simple practice of being still and checking in with your mind and body. These little rituals signal to your mind and body that you are worthy of care. My favourite 10 minute guided meditation for loving kindness, specifically, is linked here, a great practice to stop being so hard on yourself.
Practice Patience with Yourself
Changing how we talk to ourselves doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a daily practice of noticing, reframing, and nurturing. Treat yourself with the same gentleness you would offer a close friend. Celebrate your small victories, forgive your stumbles, and remember: self-compassion is a journey, not a destination.
Your mind deserves melodies of kindness, not harsh criticism. Begin composing your calm today and stop being so hard on yourself. Start small, stay consistent, and watch how your inner dialogue, and your life, can transform.