My Go-To Tools for Dealing with Stress
Stress can sneak up on you. It can accumulate over days and weeks and even months. Sometimes it’s the little things like a pile of dishes, a text you haven’t replied to, or an unexpected change of plans that suddenly feel overwhelming. When we don’t take the time to tune into ourselves, the impact of accumulated stress can cause us to implode. Finding calm in times of stress is essential for a healthy MindBody Melody.
I used to think managing stress meant just “calming down,” but over time I’ve learned that real stress relief is about tuning in to your body, mind, and the elements around you. Grounding yourself is key to composing your calm.
When I first started my emotional healing journey, I discovered two incredibly effective approaches: the Four Elements of Stress Reduction and Mind-body rapid reset skills (used in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). Together, they’ve helped me stay grounded when life feels too heavy.
1. The Four Elements for Stress Reduction
When you’re overwhelmed, mindfully grounding yourself through the four elements, Earth, Air, Water and Fire, helps tune your MindBody Melody and reconnect you with the present moment. Each one offers a simple way to bring balance back into your body and mind.
ᨒ Earth – Ground Yourself
When my thoughts start spiraling, I stop and connect to Earth.
I’ll press my feet firmly into the ground, notice the floor and seat beneath me, or hold onto something solid like a crystal or stone. You can even go outside, touch a tree, or walk barefoot on the earth. Take a moment to notice 3 things. What do you see and hear? Notice you are here right now, you are safe right now. Earth reminds us that we are safe and supported.
Try this: Say to yourself, “I am here. I am safe. I am grounded.”
༄ Air – Breathe to Reset
Air reminds me to pause and breathe
When stress hits, I focus on my breath- just noticing it. Then slowly and steadily breathe in for 1, 2, 3, 4, pause for 1, 2, followed by 1, 2, 3, 4 seconds out. For this to be effective I take 6 calming breaths. Breathing slowly and deeply in, holding for a moment before slowly releasing. Breathing deeply sends signals to your nervous system that it’s okay to relax. If you can, step outside and let fresh air fill your lungs—it’s amazing how much lighter you’ll feel.
ᯓ Water – Soothe and Release
Water is my ultimate comfort.
Firstly, check in with your mouth. Is it dry? Maybe you need a drink or you haven’t had enough water today. However, fun fact, when we create saliva in our mouths it helps us feel calm and in control. This is telling our body that we are safe to rest and digest. Try running your tongue around your teeth and gums. Imagine biting into an orange and create more and more moisture in your mouth.
When I’m tense, a shower or a swim helps me wash away the weight of the day- ‘everything showers’ are the most invigorating. Drinking water slowly or holding a cool cloth to my neck can also bring calm. If you don’t like drinking water try adding lemon, orange, cucumber or berries. After all, we are made up of 80% water, so hydration is essential for feeling your best. Water represents release—letting go of what no longer serves you.
☀︎ Fire (Light)– Ignite Energy and Focus
I know when I’m stressed I lack the ability to love. Love myself and others. Sparking the fire within my heart and mind brings me back to the best version of myself.
Light up your imagination. Close your eyes (if you feel safe to do so) and imagine a place you can feel calm and safe. Or a time when you felt good about yourself. Bring up a picture in your mind, look around, notice what you see, hear, smell, feel. Sometimes I imagine a bonfire in my heart space and invite people that make me feel loved, supported and safe to join me, including my cat Mahli.
Sometimes stress makes me shut down completely. That’s when I bring in an actual Fire; the element of energy and action.
Light a candle, feel the warmth of the sun, or do something that sparks passion like journaling, painting, drawing, yoga, dancing, or listening to music. Light the fire within and let your MindBody Melody play. Fire helps transform anxious energy into motivation and clarity.
2. Using MindBody Rapid Reset Skills for Emotional Emergencies
Sometimes stress doesn’t just feel uncomfortable, it feels unbearable. That’s when I use MindBody rapid reset skills, a DBT tool designed to quickly lower intense emotional distress.
Temperature
Changing your body temperature can instantly shift your emotional state.
Splash cold water on your face, hold an ice cube, or use a cool pack on your forehead. This triggers your body’s “dive response”, slowing your heart rate and calming your nervous system.
When my anxiety spikes, moving my body helps release built up tension.
Intense Exercise
A quick walk, run, yoga flow or even 20 jumping jacks can help burn off adrenaline and reset the mind.
Paced Breathing
This one pairs perfectly with the Air element.
Try breathing in for 4 seconds, hold for 2, and exhale for 6. Slowing your breath signals safety to your body and helps regulate emotions, tapping into that nervous system rest and digest.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Stress often hides in our muscles.
I like to start at my toes, gently tensing and relaxing each part of my body until I reach my head. It helps me reconnect with my physical self and release tension I didn’t even realise I was holding. I love this guided version of Progressive Muscle Relaxation by Therapy in a Nutshell.
Try out these tools and see which ones work best for you. Although they are best used together 1 or 2 of these tools can immensely help in times of distress. My favourites are temperature- an ice pack on the forehead, and paced breathing as they are easiest to apply for me and can be done together.
3. Bringing It All Together
What I love about these tools is how they blend body, mind, and nature.
If I’m having a rough day, finding calm becomes the top of the to-do list. I’ll step outside, breathe deeply, and run my hands through the earth. Then, if my stress is still high or a have a melt down, I’ll cool off with the MindBody rapid reset skills. If I’m just suffering from high stress and not completely losing my mind I’ll dive into the ocean, have a cold shower or splash my face with cold water- whatever is accessible at the time. Or I might notice tension in my body and stretch my muscles until I feel my body soften again.
Every time I practice this, I remind myself that stress doesn’t define me. It’s just energy asking to be moved, soothed, or released. We can’t expect ourselves to have bananas thrown at us and not get sticky. We’ve got to wash it all away so that we don’t become ‘funky monkeys’.
Finding calm by riding the wave
When stress hits hard, I remind myself that this feeling isn’t forever. It’s just a wave, and like all waves, it rises, peaks, and eventually passes. In the past, I used to fight against my emotions, trying to push them away or pretend I was fine. And that even ended well. Now, I let myself feel them, breathe through them, and use gentle self talk to stay grounded. I’ll say things like, “This feeling isn’t forever,” or “This moment will pass.” Sometimes I even picture myself floating, letting the current carry me until the water calms.
It’s not always easy, but choosing compassion over control helps me return to a calmer state more quickly and with a little more kindness toward myself. It also helps to sit by the ocean or be in or on it, if this is available to you. Feel the rise and fall, notice how you feel physically at each moment until you compose your calm and find tolerance within. Or you can listen to and watch a wave video. Watch each wave roll in, peak, break and suck back in, just watch until you find calm within. The ocean is a powerful force that helps us compose our calm.
Final Thoughts
If you’re struggling with stress, remember this: you are not alone, and you have the power to choose to ground and calm yourself. Finding calm in moments of distress or emotional overwhelm is so important for your health and happiness. I know you can do it.
Start small. Choose one element or one MindBody rapid reset skill that feels right for you today. With practice, these simple techniques can transform the way you handle life’s storms.
You already have everything you need to find calm within.